Introduction
There is something in very attractive in the way
the Spirit of God takes up the heavenly relationship of Christ and
the Assembly in Ephesians 5 and uses it to inform his subject (see
v28) of the earthly relationship of a Christian husband and his
wife. Or, looked at from the other direction, how beautiful it is to
see how the inspired writer’s consideration of the marriage bond
also teaches his readers about the intimate links between Christ as
Head and His body. Either way, what is homely is elevated to what is
transcendent, and what is transcendent is brought within the compass
of what is homely. Such is the Holy Spirit’s way of teaching, and
there will thus be great blessing in considering what He has to
bring before us.
Husbands and wives
are, of course, taken up in other passages of the New Testament (see
Col. 3: 18, 19; 1 Pet. 3: 1-7 etc.) but it is only in Ephesians 5:
22-33 that we get the linkage so expressly made between Christ and
the Assembly.
Subjection
The
first thing that is brought to our attention is not love (as we
might imagine) but subjection: “… submitting yourselves to one
another in [the] fear of Christ. Wives, [submit yourselves] to your
own husbands, as to the Lord” (Eph. 5: 21, 22). I have quoted v21 as
well for context, as the words submit yourselves in the
square brackets of v22 are not in the Greek text. Verses 21 and 22
could be rendered as: ‘… submitting yourselves to one another in the
fear of Christ—wives, to your own husbands, as to the Lord’.
Verse 21 speaks of that
general submission to one another that ought to exist among all
Christians and is exemplified, for example, by Phil. 2: 3: “each
esteeming the other as more excellent than themselves”. Nor is this
submission by itself, but submission “in [the] fear” (or reverence)
“of Christ” (Eph. 5: 21)—the higher relationship exerting complete
influence over the lower. In v22, the apostle then turns from the
general to a more specific earthly relationship, in which the wives
are to be submissive to their “own husbands” (v22). Once again, Paul
uses the higher relationship to inform the lower: “as to the
Lord”—that is they are to afford the same submission to their
husbands as they do to the One whose servant they profess to be (the
word for Lord is
kurioV and means
master, owner, ruler). In being subject to their
husbands, they are being subject to the Lord (and, it might be said,
the reverse also holds true—they cannot be subject to the Lord
without being subject to their husbands).
Now the Greek word
for “submitting yourselves” (v21) is upotassw
and literally means to arrange under. It is the same word
that is translated “subjected” in v24. By origin it is a military
term and refers to operating with due regard to one’s place in the
existing order of things. Thus even the Lord was subject to His
parents (see Luke 2: 51), men in general are to be subject to
rulers, government and laws (see Rom. 13: 1; Tit. 3: 1; 1 Pet. 2:
13) and men and women are to be submissive to their employers in the
sphere of work (see Titus 2: 9). In many walks of life, there is a
hierarchy, and those lower in the hierarchy take instructions from
those higher than themselves in that hierarchy (incidentally, this
submission to those above has nothing to do with worth but
simply concerns rank). In the hierarchy ordered of God, “the
Christ is the head of every man, but woman’s head [is] the man, and
the Christ’s head God” 1 Cor. 11: 3). A similar hierarchy exists in
relation to marriage. Thus while the wife is to “rule the house” (1
Tim. 5: 14)—manage day-to-day household affairs—it is on behalf of
the head of that house, the one who bears the responsibility to
conduct his own house well (see Gen. 18: 19; 1 Tim. 3: 12).
Subjection does not, however, imply obedience in all
things. The believing wife is not bound to do anything that
conflicts with the wishes of the Lord—the One higher
than her husband in the hierarchy. Nor is she required to be
submissive to any but her own husband (see Eph. 5:
22), for to do so would be to ignore the hierarchy in which she is
set.
The reason for the
wife to be subject to her husband, is because “a husband is head of
the wife, as also the Christ [is] head of the assembly” (v23). The
head is what directs the body, and so just as Christ “is the head of
the body, the assembly” (Col. 1: 18) and “the assembly is subjected
to Christ” (Eph. 5: 24) then “so also wives” are subjected “to their
own husbands in everything” (Eph. 5: 24). There is no sphere in
which the wife can pretend that she is free to act independently of
her husband—just as the Assembly has no right to act without Christ.
Now of course what is Laodicean (Laodicea means the will
of the people) is the prevailing principle in Christian circles
today, and, at the same time, the will of the wife in the modern
marriage relationship has been elevated above the station that God
gave it. However, while customs change, God does not (see Mal. 3:
6), and the divine mind was clearly expressed in the Bible a very
long time ago. Adam surrendered his headship in hearkening to the
voice of his wife (see Gen. 3: 17)—that is, he failed to exercise
his responsibilities as the decision-maker. In responding to this,
God stipulated to the woman that from henceforth “to thy husband
shall be thy desire, and he shall rule over thee” (v16), and this
has never been revoked and never will be. It cannot be, for as taken
out of the man (see Gen. 2: 21-24), the woman is a picture of the
Assembly in relation to Christ. The practical implications are
immense. Hence when the headship of Christ over the Assembly is held
to, the body “increases with the increase of God” (Col. 2: 19). It
must be so, for “He [is] Saviour of the body” (Eph. 5:
23)—that is, the One who has its interests and blessing at heart,
for “no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and
cherishes it, even as also the Christ the assembly” (v29).
Furthermore, since marriage is a picture of these things, blessing
will similarly flow when the husband and wife occupy their
respective places in accord with the divine direction. Of course,
Christ’s headship is perfect, and even the best husband will fall
far short of the ideal. How many men, for example, lack wisdom or
decisiveness! In such circumstances the wife might be inclined to
assert her own will—even under the pretence of remaining subject
through ‘pressing him daily’ (comp. Judges 16: 16) until her husband
gives way. However, neither the man or the woman is free to subvert
the divine order by exchanging their roles (consciously or
unconsciously), and each is to remember that marriage ought to be a
visible expression of “Christ, and as to the assembly” (Eph. 5: 32).
Love
Just as the Assembly is subject to Christ her
Head, so the other characteristic feature of that relationship is
not the Assembly’s love for Christ, but Christ’s love for the
Assembly—and this is reflected in the marriage relationship. Hence:
“Husbands, love your own wives, even as the Christ also loved the
assembly” (Eph. 5: 25). Certainly, a wife ought to love her
husband—we get the older women instructed to “admonish the young
women to be attached to [their] husbands” (Tit. 2: 4)—but her
characteristic feature in the relationship is to be subjection. The
husband, however, is to be marked by love, and love in one direction
only: his own wife. Practically, this needs no
comment, but there is also a deeper meaning, for Christ’s love is
also focused on one object only. As presented in Scripture, God’s
love is very broad, for He “loved the world” (John 3: 16)—all—but
the love of Christ is concentrated on His own. We never read that
Christ loved the world, but we do read that He “loved the assembly”
and that He proved that love by having “delivered himself up for it”
(Eph. 5: 25). Husbands are to reflect this love in the relationship
with their wives, even where there might be some inadequacy which
(naturally) might cause them to be “bitter against them” (Col. 3:
19). The example and standard cannot be higher: “even as
the Christ also loved the assembly, and has delivered himself up for
it” (Eph. 5: 25, my emphasis). Notice that the apostle does not
speak at this juncture of Christ’s present love to the
Assembly but goes back to His past love—His present
love is no less real, but His past love has been demonstrated in an
undeniable way. The cross of Christ is the measure by which a
husband is to love his wife. It implies that if a husband is to
adequately set forth in his marriage the higher relationship between
Christ and the Assembly, then he must be prepared to give his all,
for Christ “gave himself” (v25; AV).
The purpose in
Christ’s supreme act of love in delivering Himself up for the
Assembly is that “in
order that he might sanctify it, purifying [it] by the washing of
water by [the] word, that he might present the assembly to
himself glorious, having no spot or wrinkle, or any of such things;
but that it might be holy and blameless” (Eph. 5: 26, 27). Here we
have a love that has set itself upon an object and will not rest
until that object is transformed into suitability to itself. The
words speak for themselves: Sanctification—purification—washing.
This is Christ’s present love and service to His Assembly, with a
view to the day of presentation when she shall be holy, blameless
and glorious, perfect in every way. As an aside, see how the washing
is “by [the] word” (v26)—the Scriptures. Of course, what is in view
here is Christ’s service to His people, but even in marriage, the
husband ought to see that the Bible occupies a prominent place in
his household, and the wife ought not to excuse herself (as so many
do) from conversational Bible readings where the Word is expounded.
Now the Greek verb
translated present in Eph. 5: 27 is
paristhmi and means
simply to place by or to stand near—as in Rom. 16: 2 (“assist
her”) and 2 Tim. 4: 17 (“the Lord stood with [me]”). This idea of
presentation is not uncommon in the apostolic doctrine, and
paristhmi is used
for yielding ourselves to God and to righteousness
(see Rom. 6: 13, 19), presenting our bodies a living
sacrifice (see Rom. 12: 1), being placed before the
judgment-seat of God (see Rom. 14: 10) and of meat being incapable
of commending us to God (see 1 Cor. 8: 8). It is not
difficult to see that the thought of God’s satisfaction is often
associated with presentation—hence, “strive diligently to
present thyself approved to God (2 Tim. 2: 15, my emphasis).
Addressing the Corinthians, Paul declares “that he who has raised
the Lord Jesus shall raise us also with Jesus, and shall present” (paristhmi)
“[us] with you” (2 Cor. 4: 14). Later on in the same epistle he
speaks of his intention to “present” (paristhmi)
the Corinthian saints as “a chaste virgin to Christ” (2 Cor. 11: 2).
This desire was in line with the divine objective expressed to the
Colossians, “to present” (paristhmi)
“you holy and unblamable and irreproachable” (Col. 1: 22), and
Christ was announced “to the end that we may present” (paristhmi)
“every man perfect in Christ” (v28).
Now a wife might
parade her beauty before her husband to varying effect, and he might
seek to provide her with suited finery, but these are pale and
unsatisfactory illustrations of what we have in Eph. 5: 26, 27: “in
order that he might sanctify it, purifying [it] by the washing of
water by [the] word, that he might present the assembly to
himself glorious”. This present work of Christ for His Assembly will
result in a perfect outcome in every way, for the Assembly will have
“no spot, or wrinkle, or any of such things” and will be “holy and
blameless” (v27). The thought is not exactly what we have in Rev.
19: 7 (“his wife has made herself ready”), for in Ephesians 5 the
emphasis is entirely on what Christ is doing (and will
have done) in His present service towards the Assembly. Look closely
at the chapter and it is obvious that the dominant subject from v25
down to the middle of v33 is the man, the husband—Christ.
Marriage—its true Nature
Having spoken of these
very elevated matters, Paul then draws out a practical conclusion: “So
ought men also to love their own wives as their own bodies: he that
loves his own wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own
flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it” (vs. 28, 29, my emphasis).
The apostle’s reasoning here is easy to follow but he does not stop
there, for the nourishing and cherishing of the wife is “even as
also the Christ the assembly” (v29) “for” (in the same
way the husband is to view the wife as part of himself) “we are
members of his body; [we are of his flesh, and of his bones.]” (v30,
my emphasis). The conclusion is obvious but perhaps needs to be
spelt out: Christ nourishes and cherishes His Assembly because it
His body—in the words of v29, it is “his own flesh”. Consequent upon
the Lord going up into heaven, and the Holy Spirit being sent here,
there exists “one new man” (Eph. 2: 15), consisting of Jew and
Gentile “in one body” (v16) on earth, with Christ in heaven “who is
the head” (Eph. 4: 15). This is the Assembly as constituted by God.
This is why the
husband is to view the wife as Himself—regard her flesh as his
flesh. Literally, in the first marriage this was the case, for Eve
was built out of Adam’s rib, causing him to say, “This time it is
bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh: this shall be called Woman,
because this was taken out of a man” (Gen. 2: 23). Unlike the
animals, Man had been created alone and “found no helpmate, his
like” (v20)—but he found satisfaction in the woman that had been
formed out of himself. That marriage was to become the pattern for
all subsequent marriages, for the writer in Genesis then goes on to
draw a general conclusion: “Therefore shall a man leave his father
and his mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall become one
flesh” (v24). Hence, even though the men after Adam have not had
their wives made out of themselves, they are to see in their wives
that which makes them complete. It is sometimes said of couples that
‘They were made for each other’ and this has more truth in it than
is commonly realised.
Returning to
Ephesians 5, and having spoken of how men ought “to love their own
wives as their own bodies … For no one has ever hated his own flesh”
(vs. 28, 29), Paul takes up the conclusion from Genesis we have
just discussed: “Because of this a man shall leave his father and
mother, and shall be united to his wife, and the two shall be one
flesh” (v31). He does not leave the matter there, however, but then
infuses it with a higher meaning: “This mystery is great, but I
speak as to Christ, and as to the assembly” (v32). The Christian
understands (or ought to) the sacred secret (or mystery) that lies
behind the concept of marriage. By itself, marriage is wonderful,
being so much more than what fallen man has made it—the modern
travesty of spouses being mere ‘partners’ springs to mind. However,
we also really need to grasp the wonder of what the Assembly is, as
it is so much more than Christians generally understand it. It is
one thing to realise that in the body there are “distinctions of
gifts” (1 Cor. 12: 4) and quite another to see that
the body is “the fulness of him who fills all in all” (Eph. 1: 23)
and that Christ “is the head of the body, the assembly” (Col. 1:
18). Some are in the habit of labelling these truths as mystical,
but they are real and definite things that God has graciously
brought within the compass of our understanding. How has He done it?
In the institution of marriage between a man and a woman! Hence in
the same way that a man is united to his wife in marriage in “one
flesh” (Eph. 5: 31) so the Assembly is united to the Head in heaven
in “one body” (Eph. 4: 4).
Conclusion
It is
fitting to make our conclusion the conclusion of the apostle: “But
ye also, every one of you, let each so love his own wife as
himself; but as to the wife [I speak] that she may fear the husband”
(Eph. 5: 33). The word fear (pobew
in Greek) in this context does not mean terror, but the
respect and deference that is due to others placed higher than
myself in the hierarchy in which I am. The military is perhaps
the best illustration of the meaning, for insubordination is simply
not allowed in that system.
So what can we say
of Paul’s conclusion? First, a man is to love his wife as
himself. Why? Because Christ loves the Assembly as Himself.
Second the wife is to fear her husband. Why? Because the Assembly is
subject to Christ. Nothing therefore justifies a husband in not
loving his wife and nothing justifies a wife in not reverencing her
husband.
